desert MERCIES

The Coffee Shop

2010-07-03T17:27:00.002+03:00

Across the street from my office in Ny*la is a small tea shop/restaurant. The single mother who runs it has 8-9 children right now, and does an amazing job working all day and still raising her children. Of course, in this country, older children raise the younger ones, and so her daughters are often seen carrying around her son who is now 1. As well, the staff at the office have taken her in as family, and all eat at her shop and tease her girls and carry her son around. I love walking back to the office and seeing the drivers and the guards all sitting around chatting after work- with the little one in their arms. My hope is that these men especially will act as father figures to her children.

The staff take care of her in other ways as well- including pulling money together to help her build a larger shelter as her restaurant became more popular. The generosity of the people here continues to amaze me. Sadly, there is no concept of saving money- but there s the concept that: whatever the need is in the moment- we will work together to meet that need. So if I have a paycheck this week- and you have need- I’ll share it with you- and hope that when I don’t have money next week- someone else will share with me.

The generosity goes even further in that staff each month contribute a certain amount to a fund that is used to help anyone in need. Many staff ask that the money be taken from their pay check before they receive it- and it’s used for whomever has the greatest need in the community or staff family.

As well- Muslims are required to tithe a 40th of their money- and so every payday the poor women in the community will sit outside the office walls and wait as staff come out and give a portion of their paycheck.

There is so much to learn about the differences between our cultures- and I always hope that I will walk away a bit better as a person as I gain a new perspective- in this case about wealth and caring for each other.

New City

2010-07-03T17:07:00.002+03:00

Recently I’ve been staying in the capital city- and wow- how life is different from Ny*la. Here there are cafes with delicious cappuccinos, restaurants with tvs (to watch the world cup of course!), electricity 24/7, many paved roads and tall buildings, and fancy grocery stores with exotic items like yellow and red peppers and blue cheese. It’s all very lovely- and such a reminder of the stark differences in this country. Many people in this city have never been out to where I work- and have no idea that lack of opportunities and services there. But- as I keep reminding my staff- it takes each one of us doing our part, and hopefully in generations to come- things will be equalized.

And wow- do we have some amazing people working with us. I’m always impressed at how much they give and do for their communities. And the places they are willing to travel to and the guts they have to be representatives for change.
Here are some pictures of a few.

It's been a while...

2010-07-03T16:48:00.002+03:00

I realize that it has been months since I have written on my blog- and for that I apologize.

In reality- things have changed significantly around here in the last couple of months, and this blog has been the last thing on my mind. However, you who read the blog have been very close to my mind because in this difficult time- it is your friendship and your prayers which I value even more.

So- I’m making an attempt to write again more often on here- and thank for continuing to check in over the months!

Below I want to share some pics of trainings I conducted with staff in the field over the last couple months. These trainings have been amazing- as they brought together people of different tri*bes and backgrounds, people who were not willing to talk beforehand. They were also excellent trainings in that the women felt empowered to speak up and gave their opinions relatively freely in the room.

I thoroughly enjoyed the trainings as they allowed me to be have a bit of change in routine as I was leading the trainings myself- verses having trained my staff to lead them. We’ve reached a point in the program where my staff have had their capacity built so far- that it was now time to give them even more tools. I know they enjoyed the opportunity to be in the room observing and translating, and informed me that they were very excited about this training in particular- and the positive impact it could have on the community. I am confident in their skills as trainers- and look forward to watching them continue these trainings on their own.

In these pictures below, you see me with some of the women. They are the ‘peace makers’ in the community- and they are singing songs about unity in the community. They asked me to also sing a song that was a strong song of hope in America- and the first song that came to my mind was Amazing Grace.

Christmas

2009-12-25T20:38:00.001+03:00

Today is Christmas, and the activities that made up the day seemed to touch briefly on the different things that have filled my life for the last year and a half.

I woke up to make coffee cake for myself and the two other guys who are in the house right now (cooking is something I've learned to do here to relax and experience some of the tastes I miss from home).

We three then spent the next four hours in a meeting discussing a grant proposal and eating the cake (so much of my time here has been spent working on grants, whether it's writing proposals, adjusting budgets, or reporting to donors).

Finally at 3:30 we went to lunch with some friends from the embassy. I love my friends there: they're always generous to invite us to dinners and parties when passing through the capital. And today was especially nice. After spending the morning in an activity that felt very much non-Christmasy, we took the taxi 15 minutes across town to walk into a beautiful apartment, and another world! The furniture, the food, and the wine was all from America. And it was amazing! Turkey, sweet potato casserole, pulled BBQ pork, and pecan pie! All three of us could not stop looking at each other, commenting on how we could not believe where we were. It was definitely the highlight of the day!

I came home, did a little more work on the proposal, wished some people Merry Christmas on Skype, and now I really should be working on a letter to all I love for Christmas, but am taking a break to watch "So You Think You Can Dance". Wow, I feel like I'm already home... But I WILL be in 48 hours!

Hoping you all had a Christmas filled with love, laughter, and life, and that this next year is filled with much more!

2009-12-18T15:36:00.003+03:00

I've been looking back at my previous posts (recent after having not posted for three months!) and see a theme of gratitude. Here I want to share some pics of the amazing things I've gotten to do and see the last couple months- things that have kept me very busy, and very filled!

Below are pics of kids we met on a climb up a hill near where we work in the mountains. It was so funny, going up they were so afraid of the 'khawajah'(foreigner) and coming down- it was like the pied piper had appeared- all flocking to us, and intensely loving the camera.

I also had a chance to travel during a team retreat to the pyramids in N. Sud. Wow- they are much smaller than the Egyptian pyramids, but more more accessible, and so fun to explore! And the sand the most fun to slide down, and cartwheel in. In the one pic I'm climbing back up a dune after doing cartwheels with a friend (a little dizzy).

And then there is a pic from a dinner I had at a staff member's house- and we're all posing for the traditional before dinner picture.

It's all relative

2009-12-18T15:30:00.001+03:00

I wrote this in my notebook a couple weeks ago:
“I went to the airport at 5:30 this morning to catch a flight to Nyala. Eleven hours later I arrived at my house…. only a 2.5 hour flight away by a slow plane.
But- in this very long day of waiting- I had a wonderful time. I had a caramel macchiato, the only (and probably best) one I’ve had in months. I bought some real Dutch cheeses in the market near the airport. I found a friend I’d just met the day before, and got her contact info. I had some really nice, deep conversations with my travel buddies. AND, when I finally got on the plane, got bumped to first class! And a lot more good happened, but no time to write it here…
There is an old story about a farmer who took the good and bad in life all as it came, without declaring the bad to be bad, or the good to be good. It goes:
A farmer had a beautiful horse. It was such a lovely horse he had many offers from buyers, but always refused to sell. His neighbors told him what good fortune it was to have such a nice horse. The farmer told the neighbors- “Don’t tell me it’s good that I have a great horse, just say I have one”.
One day the horse ran away. The neighbors commented to the farmer that this was very bad fortune to have lost a horse that could have brought in so much money. The farmer said- “Don’t say it’s bad that I lost my horse, just say I lost it”.
Then the horse returned and brought with it a band of wild horses, and the neighbors told the farmer his good fortune. Again the farmer said- “Don’t tell me it’s good that my horse brought back this herd, just say it is what it is”.
Then the farmer’s son broke his leg while breaking in the wild horses. The neighbors said now that this was very bad fortune. Again the neighbor disagreed that they should call it good or bad…
Then there was a war, and son was not drafted because of broken leg. And you think the neighbors would learn to stop labeling the farmer’s experiences before the full picture was observed….
This is kind of how I feel about my time here… There has been so much that has happened that in the moment seemed challenging or wonderful or overwhelming. But looking back, having seen the full picture, I’m so very thankful for it all, and can honestly call that which seemed bad GOOD!
I came to find a program that had a lot of flaws, and was told it might even be shut down. Seemed bad…
I learned to find what was working, and change the program for the better. Good…
Had to shut down some part of the program, meaning holding very difficult conversations with the community. Difficult
Through this process, able to obtain more community support for the project. Excellent
Had some difficult staff, several of whom had to let go over the course of the year. Not fun
Now have a team that is rock solid, and committed, and have gained the respect of the rest of the staff. Great!
The more I learn about this job, the more I see I have to learn, and the more overwhelming it seems. Challenging
The more I learn about this job, the more I grow in my ability to fight for the program, and in my trust of God to get me through each day. Love it!
And on and on…
Bringing me to yesterday, when we were supposed to fly to Nyala, only to arrive at the airport to find the plane had left several hours earlier than scheduled (gotta love Africa). Could have seemed bad…. But then got to have the most productive and relaxing day (those two descriptives are not usually found in the same sentence). And then today- though I was at or near the airport for most of the day, it was a great day, and I’m so thankful that joy can be found in any situation.

Spoiled

2009-12-16T18:38:00.001+03:00

You want know what it feels like to be spoiled?
A new stove (well, used but new to us) arrived this week from a very generous donor that was leaving town. It has enough room in the oven for TWO pans of brownies or chicken side by side, and FIVE burners, and…. you don’t even have to use a match to light it- it has a ‘clicker’ that you push when you turn on the gas. And with such nice burners, hopefully this will mean less burned food, quicker cooking time (with all the space), and less close calls with the match and the gas.

ALSO, a wooden table and chairs arrived as well! Meaning we put the plastic we’ve been eating off of for over a year and a half away, and now eat on real wood any time we feel like it! Wow, feels like we just got a whole new dining room and kitchen!

AND, a back up generator arrived. Meaning, when our generator stops working during the day, I don’t have to scramble to find things my staff can do without computers. Nor do I have to go myself to UN or other NGO offices to use their electricity.

If that doesn’t seem like enough, I put up CHRISTMAS lights this week, and am SO much enjoying the sparkling twinkle above me as I sit at the computer in the living area at night. Wow, feels like Christmas, with Il Divo singing Christmas songs in the background, and a cool breeze blowing (now that it is finally the cooler season).

A co-worker who lives in the capital was out on a visit and was commenting on how she was surprised at the conditions we lived in. I was surprised she was surprised, because though we don’t have 24/7 electricity and indoor bathrooms like they do in the capital, we do have a hot water heater, air conditioned offices, and a great wall for projecting movies on. And of course, all the new stuff we just got. I really have felt so spoiled recently, and am so thankful for the generosity of the organization I work for, the donor’s I work with, and the God I serve.

I'm not capable...

2009-09-17T23:49:00.001+03:00

This morning I just broke down. I realized with full force that I CANNOT do everything I came here to do, that I CANNOT even do what I’ve set out to do in this part of the grant. There are too many things going wrong, there are too many tasks, there is a huge amount of unknowns. No matter how hard I try, things seem to go the different direction that what I’ve planned. And no matter how much I plan ahead, things happen that affect my program negatively. And the realization was daunting to say the least!

But then I realized what I should be realizing everyday… that God has been moving and working in incredible ways to keep this program going without me even paying attention. When I could not hire the staff I needed to conduct youth trainings, MY staff, without knowing the problem, came asking to do youth trainings- I had no idea he’d had experience in the past! When I could not get my thoughts organized about how to solve a sustainability problem, a thought came to me in the night. When we were facing problems with one of the staff I’m having to let go, an answer came to our HR person last night. And today, as I’m still struggling to find good curriculum for our youth program, I cleaned off my shelf and found a curriculum I’d put away to look at another day- an excellent curriculum for what I was looking for! How does THAT happen?

God, you are AMAZING beyond what I could imagine; YOU deserve all praise and honor! Thanks for being that from whom, as the verse James 1:17 says: all good things come from. As I move forward in this impossible job, I remember the favorite verse Philippians 4:13 (the Kenneth Wuest version) “I am STRONG for all things in the one who CONSTANTLY INFUSES STRENGTH in me.” May I remember that every day. And rejoice in that which is impossible for me, but POSSIBLE for God.

New Office

2009-09-14T09:35:00.002+03:00

I finally moved back into my office after it received a new paint job (though looks more like a full makeover, the staff all say it looks bigger- optical illusion with lighter colors and a stripe running around the bottom). And the best compliment of all came from a colleague who said it feels like the beach!!! Just what I miss the most in this semi-desert.

The project has taken about a week, and I have found a lot to laugh about, and get frustrated about, through the process…

For one, finding a place to rest my computer, and lay out all my papers has been a challenge. I moved into the office next door, but it’s fasting month- which means everyone eats at night and then sleeps on a full tummy- creating massive amounts of unnecessary gas- and this particular office was loaded.

I then moved to the finance office, but there I was further away from the staff I’d left in the other office, and was tempted to talk too much to our finance gal…

So it was back to the first office, windows open, doors open, until the smell of the paint from my own office next door became so strong my headache wouldn’t go away. Then it was Send my staff home, go to the finance office, try not to talk.

You would wonder how the painters could stand it- with it being fasting month. But as I walked by the first night around 6 pm- after 9 long hours of labor without eating or drinking, I heard outright giggling. When I came into the office they were just laughing- high as kites! And that’s how it’s been all week. They are the sweetest guys, greeting me by name every time I stick my head in to make a comment on straightening this line, or fixing the color here, or to just find them sleeping (but that was ok- they were waiting for more materials)

And all week I’ve been building the anticipation among my staff for the new office, asking daily- have you seen the office now? What do you think? Looking good- hey? And today, the big reveal, the staff were delighted. One even suggested that we should have all worn green to match the stripe (the walls are off-white, the stripe is light green, and the floor is light green). His colleague chimed in: “Yes, we should have worn green pants and white shirts!” I wanted to say: “so we can hide inside the walls?” Love my staff!

So here I am, in the neighboring office, doing a quick remembrance of the week, while my staff are rearranging things as they like. In a moment I will walk back in, look at the green and white, think of a lovely day at the beach, and start work in our little paradise.

Crossing the river

2009-09-11T23:16:00.009+03:00

So, in the field two weeks ago, we arrived at a very large (well, compared to our trucks large...) river. The week before we'd tried to send trucks across and they had gotten stuck and the group lost several hours before they were able to get the trucks out and return. When we pulled up to the same river, there were three lorries and two trucks parked on this side of the river, all obviously convinced the river was too deep to cross, and so waiting for the waters to subside (which could take 1 day or 1 week- who knows). Here are some pics to describe the process we went through...

We arrive at the river and standing on the bank trying to decide what to do. Our driver and another on the team have walked across the river and found the water will come up to the hoods on our trucks.

Staff posing by the river while we debate whether it's worth it to try in rental trucks that may lock up when the water reaches their engines, if we even make it that far in...

And some boys who had been enjoying playing in the water and watching us debate-and send our driver and staff across the river several times as we thought.

Boys will be boys, and in the spirit of looking for an adventure, and wanting to get to the other side, we start hooking up the 'snorkels' to the trucks. I'm by now beyond trying to tell anyone how ridiculous this is, and going along for the ride.

The guys carry valuables such as cameras across before the trucks, just in case

I didn't get a pic of the truck crossing (sorry, i know, anti-climactic) But here you see how all the experienced were traveling-by donkey cart. We did make it across, amazingly, and continued our journey with a fun story to tell.

Donkey Races

2009-09-11T17:43:00.005+03:00

Here are a few pics of dinner with friends and donkey races i participated in last week. Like the helmets and number placard? We were going for as official as they come! The races were at a going away party for a friend, and instead of a party game such as pin the tail on the donkey, we got three real donkeys to race. So much fun, haven't laughed that much in a long time.

Notice where I'm crossing the finish line, my donkey being pushed. Donkeys have a mind of their own, and your race was won not by skill or by donkey swiftness, but by the enthusiasm of the donkey pusher behind.

After that, I went to have dinner with some friends who absolutely loved the pics of the races, and couldn't believe we chose to ride donkeys just for fun. Donkeys here are work animals, and do everything from hauling water to carrying large loads of people and crops during rainy season. They're amazingly strong for their size, and amazingly strong-willed. Making for quite a memorable day.

pics from this field trip

2009-09-11T16:41:00.007+03:00

Back!

2009-09-11T16:40:00.000+03:00

I’m back! I know it’s been a while since I’ve written, but once again, I’m here attempting to share a bit of the goodness I’ve seen in this desert.

As I say that, I imagine myself on the same cycle as a jack-in-the-box. You twist and twist the handle, never knowing when the little man will pop up and then, BAM, there he is for a second, til you close the lid and turn some more. I seem to make my appearances on this blog about as frequently. So, if you’ve been checking and I haven’t been communicating, very sorry, I’m trying again. And if you haven’t been on here in a while, that’s ok, neither have I.

Well, after that long introduction, I better hurry up and say something before I loose my inspiration.

I was in the field this week, and every time I’m there, I’m very inspired. So much good happens in our programs that I sometimes forget about when I’m sitting in the office. This trip in particular was a great time for bonding with my staff. We sat around night after night after an amazingly yummy meal of sorghum mash and okra sauce, staring up that the starfilled black sky, talking about everything from how whites and blacks view each other to which is the best country in the world. (It is the fasting month now, so no one eats or drinks between 5am and 7:30pm-despite the heat… and I sip water and scarf a granola bar on the rare occasion that I can get out of eyeshot of everyone who IS fasting). For those of you who were wondering, we decided the most magnificent country might have been Great Britain. This was decided when we realized that both Sud*n and America were British colonies at one point- making those of us sitting under that night sky sort of half brothers/sisters under the Queen-quite a funny discovery.

Another fun thing on this trip was seeing how active towns could be once inspired. In a place where people have gotten used to aid organizations paying for everything from buildings to food, it’s often difficult to move people to volunteer their own time and resources- as limited as they are- to a community cause. However, more and more as we follow a strategy in my program of looking for active communities to partner with, we’re finding communities who are willing to build their own women/youth centers and who will volunteer their time to teach children and adults. In one particular town we invited leaders to participate in a leadership/mediation training, and in less than a day they had refurbished their center which the rains had damaged, completely cleaned the area around the center of all weeds and grass, and put up the plastic sheeting we’d provided for a roof. And all this they did on a hot day while fasting. Needless to say, the training was a success with some very active participants.

Something that was very clear to me on this trip was the complexity of the situation here, the tension between tribes, the deep issues that have been around for years. And though I have a lot more to learn about it, we’re seeing small successes as people of different tribes come together to participate in trainings and group projects. And it is these small steps that will eventually lead to people living in peace!

This is a shout out to my mom who was persistent to ask when I was going to start writing again. Love you mom! More to come!

I'm so proud of them!

2009-08-17T05:26:00.003+03:00

Here are some of the girls at one of our children's centers, playing a local song with the instruments we've provided. Wow, how exciting it is to see them do so well on these instruments which they've never had in their culture before.

after a long time

2009-07-04T15:54:00.008+03:00

I find that once I'm out of the habit of writing, it's very hard to get back into it. There is so much I could say, so much that hasn't been shared. Here I'm just going to share these pics, and plan over the next couple weeks to continue to write and share the goodness that is happening here.

These are pictures of children and work in the mountainous area, where though people are far away from larger towns, life is happening: children are playful (notice the boys dressed up and putting on a drama about pregnant women and radio show hosts), communities are active to build centers for their children (one of my staff is meeting with some leaders to discuss cementing the fence around one of the centers), and the land is beautiful! I'm trying to post a picture of the waterfall I visited with my team, hopefully in the next blog!

Cairo

2009-06-19T11:02:00.002+03:00

I know I have not written in a while. It is my intention to update you all in my next post about how things have been here. Right now I'd like to just tell you a bit about what's happening now...

So, I arrived in Cairo for RR and it has been the most amazing time. Driving through Cairo at 1am is the greatest time to people watch, so many people were in the streets, so different from Darf. My driver was trying to tell me what was what, and in between my very little Arabic, and the fact that Egyptian Arabic is different from Sudanese… wasn’t catching a lot.

Things I saw: whole groups of families and dressed up people hanging out on benches under overpasses, oddest place to hang out I thought.
Donkey cart pulling group of very trendy dressed teen boys through very heavy traffic with BMW’s and Mercedes whizzing by.
Man painting his car white, in the second lane of a very busy five lane road. At 1am.
And the list goes on…

This city is beautiful, old and new, dirty and crowded, yet with great spaces of green on the edges, and small parks within. People are friendly for the most part, though the guys are a bit too friendly. As I got on the train car back from Alexandria, had guys from the left and right calling quietly “come here, sit here”. I finally found a seat with two men who were paying me no attention what-so-ever.

In this very separated, male dominated society, there seem to be few women in many areas. In the Metro there are 2 cars out of perhaps 12 designated for women only. I always choose these cars to avoid the experience I had on the train.

Riding the subway has been interesting. Several times I’ve had women turn away from me in the train. There is a great fear of foreigners because of the swine flu. I attempted to go buy a face mask so I wouldn’t seem as threatening, but supposedly they are sold out in the city. It’s a helpless feeling, to feel that my presence puts people on edge, to almost feel like an outcast… just for a train ride…

There are also some very sweet people, who point me in the right direction and practice their English with me. Met one man who has been exiled from Pakistan because of his love of democracy. I cannot imagine what it must be like to never be able to go home… Also met probably the only guy who hasn’t outright hit. He was my guide at the pyramids today. Made me feel like an ancient explorer as we raced across the sand on horses, with these most amazing old stone structures in the distance.

Now I am sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying a soy milk carmelleto latte (had to bring my own soy milk, but you can buy that here, yay!), and trying to find a church service to attend, since it’s my one chance in a couple months. Hoping to go see Coptic Cairo this after with a friend, have met many Coptic Christians here… Many wear a small cross tatooed on their hand, told me it is out of pride, and wanting to stand out for who they are. I thought this was impressive, considering they are still persecuted to some degree in this part of the world.

Will write more later… Am off to find that church.

R&R!

2009-05-01T16:05:00.011+03:00

below are some pics from RR.

Went on a wonderful tour around Uganda, saw animals in the game park, camped for a night, went white water rafting on the nile, LEVEL 5! That was a trip! spent time in an air conditioned mall, had such lovely food, spent a wonderful time with friends from my childhood and friends from Darf. Celebrated my birthday with new friends, and great pizza. Here a just a few pics.

reminder

2009-04-29T08:39:00.000+03:00

Wow, what an amazing truth I read this morning! It’s something I’ve known for a long time, but somehow in this life we seem to learn the same things over and over. I’ll paraphrase the truth for you, from Romans 8:

There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for Christ has set you free. The mind set on the flesh is death, and the mind set on the Spirit is life. The mind set on the flesh is against the Spirit, But in the Spirit there is Life.

the mind set on the flesh is death…. No wonder I feel so yucky when I worry!

This morning I woke up after a night of tossing and turning, thinking about things which I cannot control. For the past couple of days I’ve had little niggling thoughts about my ability and worth in this job, thoughts that are not from God, but from my own insecurities and wanderings.

And to read this morning that… THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION for those in Christ… that the Spirit is LIFE… freedom… It was such an beautiful reminder of the awesomeness of love of the Father! I realize that these thoughts and concerns have no basis in the truth, and that each day is a new day to enjoy the LIFE that Jesus bought for me.

2009-04-26T07:55:00.001+03:00

8 months in D*rfur

I just realized that as of this week, I will have been in D*rfur 8 months, and I haven’t written an update. (note, I wrote this a month ago, just never posted)

I first want to say thank you to all who have prayed, especially recently as the situation has not gotten better. I’m praying even more now that God would bring peace and hope to this land and these people.

This journey to Sudan has been more than about helping people, it’s been about learning about myself, and striving to create a community so different from anything I’ve known. And learning the fullness of God’s love for me and those around me.

Over the past eight months, in the most difficult times, I’ve grown to understand the importance of taking each day as it comes. And have experienced what it means to look for the positive in the situation, as I learn that even the best made plans can be foiled in a moment, and I never know whether tomorrow holds a better option, or a new challenge. And I’m seeing even more clearly that the only person who is consistent is God, as He doesn’t change, He’s given me such amazing peace to be here, and strength to continue when the days seem too long and the choices impossible. As the verse in Isaiah 40 reads, God has promised, “ … do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

The people here have made it easy to see God's love in action. I've enjoyed spending time with staff at weddings, meeting new friends through my Arabic teacher, and spending time at the Children's theater with youth who enjoy practicing their English. This is a very hospitable culture, and everywhere I go, I get invited back.

I’ve especially fallen in love with the children across the street, displaced and living in shacks that are covered by bits of plastic sheets that their family probably received at a distribution a year or more ago. They are great to play soccer with, and they love the ‘new’ game: London Bridge is Falling down. They love to call out my name as I pass, and will wave for me to come over for a quick hug or request for candy, even as I rush about the work day.

Just as I write reports to our donors about the programs, I thought I’d share a little of the positives that have occurred here. In the last 8 months, over 5000 children and youth have participated in programs that have provide emotional support, education and a safe place to play. Over 4000 women have learned about business development or been trained in a skill. Over 6000 men, women, and youth have participated in continuing education, learning to write Arabic, and do math. We’ve built centers and provided skills training for women and youth, and spread messages about how to meet family needs in this difficult time.

Some of what has gone on to achieve this is: Spending a good amount of time in meetings with Sheikhs and other community leaders, women, and youth councils, obtaining community support and learning about the needs. Traveling to the field by helicopter, pick up, land cruiser, and donkey, and sleeping in all manner of settings. I’ve seen families with no source of income, children with no parents, women who work all hours of the day, and into the night to support their families, children ages 5 and up caring for their younger siblings, twelve or more hours a day, often with little or no food as their family works on the farm, living hand to mouth.

And I’ve seen that joy is not reserved only for the wealthy, the secure, the safe. I’ve seen such beautiful joy on the faces of children, women, and men, and appreciate that with what little these programs are able to do, they have a huge impact on the lives of those served.

As I praise God for his goodness these last months, and look forward to what he has in store, I hope that He will use me to share just a small bit of the mighty love He’s showered on me.

I plan to post pics soon, just don’t have time right now as the connection is slow.

Decisions

2009-04-03T23:20:00.004+03:00

What does it take to make hard decisions?

It takes first a total trust in a Father who loves me beyond the actions that I take, and beyond even the character I have. Even if I make a ridiculous decision, God will still love me, and therefore, I cannot be afraid of the task ahead.

At the same time it requires a realization that He’s promised me daughtership that requires I represent Him well, and use the tools He’s given me to make that decision. Those tools for me are, beyond intelligence and experience, are the people around me whom I trust, His Word, and His Holy Spirit: who intercedes on my behalf, especially when the decision is so big that even in my prayers I do not know what to say.

And it takes guts, pure guts. Guts that don’t come from my own strength, but from that knowledge that it is not in myself that things happen, but through Him who makes all things possible. Guts to walk the path He has laid out for me, knowing that each step of the way He will hold me by the hand. Guts to not care what the world thinks.

not so sad anymore

2009-03-23T22:35:00.004+03:00

My mom has necessarily informed me that I need to keep up my blog, don’t want people to stop praying. I agree, not only am I so grateful for the prayers, but also a lot has happened that I should share.

However this little diddy is a more personal note, about what I’m feeling right now.

I was reading the story of the two men who were walking on the road after Jesus’ crucifixion, and they were talking about how their hopes had now been dashed, as they didn’t realize that Jesus had risen from the grave. They were saying how they had hoped Jesus would be the Saviour they’d been waiting for, the one who would answer all their hopes and dreams and bring peace in this troubled time.

And as they are mulling over these sad thoughts, Jesus himself walks up to them (and they do not recognize Jesus, the one who has risen and is here to save them from all they are fearing). And as he asks them what they are talking about, and as they turn to tell him, and the verse reads: “and they stood still, looking sad.” Luke 24: 17b

I sat their and read that verse and thought, I am sad!

I’m sad because I miss my Grandpa who passed this week. I’m sad because I don’t understand how things seem to only get worse, not better, in the situation here. I’m sad because I miss my family and friends and a little bit of normalcy in this time.

But in all this, I do have a hope that the two didn’t have when they started on the road. I know that Jesus is alive, and that He is with me in this time, and that I don’t have to be fearful of the future, or about my God not being their to provide strength in the time I need it most. Even in these last couple days I’ve seen Him show me love through all the staff and co-workers and neighbors and kiddos who have come by to wish me well. And I’ve seen Him give me amazing clarity of mind and strength in this time of confusion as a result of the very specific prayers of friends and family.

So, in this time, I announce, I will not be sad for long. And I will not be sad about those things which matter most, because they’ve already been taken care of. As Jesus promised… “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

And so as I sign off, I anticipate writing again tomorrow, with fluffier thoughts and stories, and the pictures I’ve promised. And I leave you with this verse I love.

“… for HE [God] himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.’ So that we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid, what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13: 5b-6

Happy valentines Day!

2009-02-15T17:44:00.003+03:00

I absolutely forgot that it was valentines day on the 14th. I didn't even realize it was the fourteenth when I woke up on Saturday. And when I went to the office, the taxi driver wished me "Happy Eid" which very much confused me as I think of Eid as a term for a Muslim holiday. Then inside the office, it finally registered when the Sud+nese guys were wishing me a wonderful valentines day. And discussing the fact that people give flowers, and that none of them had brought me flowers. And then I spouted out that I hadn't even worn red, the color of the day! And then one pointed out that there are very few flowers here (true, and a bit sad), so couldn't easily get me any.

In the taxi later, the driver started pointing out to some girls all dressed in matching beautiful red scarves. He was pointing and saying "all ell oov". Over and over and I didn't get it, until finally the words meshed together enough and I repeated-correctly-back "I love you!". Yes, that's what I was saying he implied as he repeated it back to me, this time with understandable pronounciation. I tried to explain to him, 'the appropriate wording would be "Happy Valentines Day!", as I said it over and over, and he said over and over "I love you!". I couldn't stop laughing.

I finished off Valentines day with some yoga and watching the 6 nations rugby tournament with a german, canadian, 2 britts, american, and zimbabwain. Made some lasagna and sweet and sour on rice, for an all around mixed nations evening. The ethiopians didn't join us, or we could have had 6 nations watching the '6 nations'!

I hope you had a wonderful valentines day, and are reminded of how love one of the few things that can cross cultures and boundaries with such ease, and no matter how far away we are from the one's we love, there's always a way to say I love you. So to you, my family and friends, I'm blowing Hugs and Kisses across the ocean, that light breeze you feel next time you go outside, may it be God's reminder of His huge love for you, and my happy thoughts of you!

Hope, always

2009-02-07T21:34:00.003+03:00

A verse I read tonight stuck out at me. After casting a demon out of man, Jesus said to him "Go home to your people and report to them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He had mercy on you". Mark 5: 19b

That verse just seemed to ring hope. After God gave this man his life back, he didn't ask him to come do some crazy, hard task in return for the goodness He'd shown him. He sent him home, probably a place he hadn't been in a while, and told him just to tell his family the good news, which I'm sure he would have done anyway. And regarding mercy, God didn't have to free the man, but he chose to. There is so much that God has given me that I don't deserve, and what he's called me to do is not an impossible task. It is simply to share the love that He shows me every day.

I have been thinking a lot about blessings and reasons to hope these days. All around there are rumors and tensions and blockages to the work that we want to get done. It's easy to get caught thinking of the negative. But, God doesn't dwell in the lost opportunities, mistakes, impossible tasks. There is no mention of the man complaining to Jesus that he should have helped him sooner. We don't hear of the man saying something like "Well, if you give me new clothes, the right words to say, or a donkey to carry me home, I'll be an even greater testament to God's goodness, and I'll get the job done quicker". There is just Jesus giving a man an essential gift, and the man using what he's been given to share God's hope with those around him.

I want to wake up every new day realizing that with breathe in my lungs and the grace of God covering me, no matter what the day turns out like, I can still share His love with the people around me. And at the end of the day, its not the tasks that get done that will have eternal impact, but the relationships that know His love.

Checking in

2009-02-04T21:11:00.000+03:00

I'm still waiting for my camera to arrive from the field so I can share some pics. However, I wanted to just ask for you to continue to pray for the staff person who was injured. It's been over two months since her injury (hand and leg) and she is not healing. I'm on the hunt for answers, not only for medical care, but also for the funds to cover it. Please pray we would be open to whatever answers their are. And please keep her and her husband and mother, who live at the hospital, in your prayers. This has been very rough on everyone who knows her. Also pray God would show himself merciful through all of this. Thank you so much!

road stories

2009-02-01T21:52:00.002+03:00

I've just been in the field for a week, and I've spent a lot of time in a Toyota 4 wheel drive land rover, traveling across rocky, sandy, and sometimes hard to find roads, up hills, along the sides of mountains, and through river beds and valleys. I always enjoy the road, there is so much beautiful scenery, it's a chance to reflect on a community meeting I just had, or prepare for the next one, and for the adventure lover in me, it always kick starts my adrenalin when we take the cruiser straight up over a two foot rock wall in the road, or make it down the mountain side without slipping too much.

I also like the road for the interesting things we see. Here are a few.

We're always passing people and donkeys and camels. It's the camels we have to be most careful of, as they tend to scare easily, and the riders can be dismounted if we don't slow the truck down while passing them. I was very surprised this trip to see some donkeys bolt. One almost unseated his rider in an attempt to jump the fence as we passed. Another decided to make the uncharacteristic move of running when his owner patted him on the rump to move out of the way. Typically it's difficult to get a donkey to move beyond a walk, and many don't even move out of the road as we come, sometimes staring us dumbly down as we approach. This one however must have woken up with extra energy that day, because he must have jogged along for several miles while his owner chased behind, and we followed behind still, going slowly because of the rocky road and intermittently stopping as the satellite phone kept ringing. By the time we'd caught up with her, the donkey was still ahead of her, except off on a path, I hope towards home.

I've laughed so often at how sometimes as we approach, the riders get so scared they jump off their rides and run for the side of the road, leaving the donkey in the road to fend for itself. They don't seem to realize that if we're going to slow down, we'll slow down for person and animal alike, there's no need to get off the animal in an attempt to save yourself. But, I guess if you're not used to vehicles on the road, the load noise approaching could scare one enough to run for cover and forget what you've left behind.

Not everyone has this healthy fear of the vehicle, and many don't understand what power it has. One child, perhaps eight, stuck his hand out as if asking for money as we approached. When we were just passing, he stepped into the road, still with hand out. This scared and upset us in the vehicle, thinking his greed had overcome his good sense to not get run over. However, when the driver came to a quick halt and started to reprimand, the little boy said he wanted to say hello (shake hands). He and the driver shook, and I heard the driver say "good man" (little man, that is).

We gave a couple kids a brief ride to a village on the road, and the two youngest, maybe each 4 or 5, hung for dear life onto one of my staff, while the three older, maybe 14, just stared in silence with glowing eyes at the passing road. None had ridden in a car before. I'm told they talked about the trip for a week. And now children in that area have this idea that they will get a ride when we come to town.

To give you an idea of the culture. We picked up the two five year olds separately from the older boys. They were walking to a town maybe a mile down the road, and this is considered acceptable for children their age.

That same day we stopped to offer an old man a ride. He was walking very slowly with a cane, and when we stopped to ask, I saw that he appeared to have lost one eye. We could have gotten him where he was going in minutes, while his walking could have taken him an hour. However, he didn't accept, and my staff said many times the elderly would rather walk than ride because of the jarring on the road and the affect his can have on their elderly, fragile bodies.

There are a few kids who have thrown rocks at the trucks, and when one broke a window a couple months back, the drivers became vigilant at watching for these pranksters. It's not like they even realize the harm they could cause, but they need to be stopped. I don't know how they even spot them, but every once in a while, the driver will come to a screeching halt and start yelling out at a child alongside the road, and sure enough, you see that one of their hands is clenched shut, and they have that curious twinkle in their eyes. They are often so shocked at getting caught before even lifting a hand to throw that they stare dumbfounded at the driver, or back up quickly and run away, not even bothering to drop the rock first.

We saw a very cute sight when we passed three women one day. The first road her donkey with her young child on her lap, and pregnant besides. The woman behind her was leading a donkey with 2 year old twins on board, and carrying a 1 year old baby, while also pregnant. The final women had three children under five all on the donkey with her, their faces peering out from the front and back of her flowing wrap. We couldn't tell if she also was pregnant, too many kids on her lap, and too much cloth.

Speaking of cloth, I'm sitting on some very soft, just washed sheets. After being in the field for a week, I'm very tired and very glad to be back in a real bed. So, I'm off to sleep. I hope you enjoyed this brief picture. Real pictures to come, I promise. I lent my camera to staff in the field, so it will be a little bit before I get it back, but I will soon.

the week ahead

2009-01-24T20:53:00.004+03:00

I'm heading to the field for a week tomorrow, so wanted to write before I left. I have this really heavy feeling as I go, and normally I really enjoy the field. I can't figure out if it's because of the task at hand (have to do some serious changes to some programs that just aren't sustainable right now), or the tension in the air (we keep hearing stuff about insecur.ty and possible evac's.,) or if it's the time- I've been more stressed than normal lately, and so am extra tired. Between the food that doesn't sit well in my stomach, and the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, or my own frustration with the task at hand, it already feels like it's going to be a long week.

Please pray. That I would have wisdom as I discuss the program changes with the community. And while you're at it, could you pray for wisdom for some of my friends who are also going through some rough times here, and making difficult decisions or coming to terms with situations that are not ideal. And please pray for the situation here, that God would really really do a work, and bring peace to this land.

As much as this work is wild and beautiful and crazy and challenging, I'm starting to look forward to coming home this summer, and seeing everyone. Less than 6 months to go! And I am so extremely thankful for friendships here, that have really encouraged me as I adjust to this life which is so different from anything I've ever experienced. And I'm thankful for the knowledge that I'm not in this alone. That is probably my biggest comfort. Knowing that when I don't have the words or the wisdom, God does.

Random thought: More and more I feel that so much of my interactions here, my relationships, my moments of 'I can do this!', are the way they are because of the deep and real love I feel from my Papa above and from you, my family and friends back home. I love you, look forward to seeing you this summer! Have a great week!

More Pics

2009-01-16T15:49:00.002+03:00

Thought I'd share a few more pics. Amsterdam.

Sight while hiking in England.

Hanging out at the bus stop with Judith, my friend in Holland. Had a fantastic time with her and her family over Christmas!

More hiking. Really enjoyed the beauty of the frost and the unique way the paths wound through people's back yards and fields.

Whispering secrets to a goat (sad thing was this goat was dinner the next day), but not for me!

living and laughing

2009-01-16T15:33:00.001+03:00

There is a displaced family living across the road from our office.
Our organization helps them out occasionally, giving them blankets this week when the mother came crying that her children couldn’t sleep at night because of the cold. Displaced from their home, struggling to survive in small shacks while the rest of us enjoy our cement and brick homes with warm blankets and comfortable beds.

And yet they still laugh.

The other night I was hanging out with some of the girls under the light outside our office. They do their homework there and as they’re learning English, like to stop by and check their work and share cookies.

This evening their mom came over, grabbed onto my hand and started telling me Arabic words, pulling a different finger with each new word (similar to a lot of Africa, there are no personal space boundaries here)

It became quite a show as I repeated words, and she and her girls pointed, acted out or imitated the sound of that object so I could know what she was teaching me. We imitated goats and chickens and dogs. And I learned that the word for cow is ‘buggar’. Favorite word of the night.

And then she started to laugh. Whether it was that I couldn’t pronounce some words correctly, or just the fact that I was trying, I’m not sure, but I kept going because I loved her laugh. Light, carefree, companionable, forgetting the vast difference between our material lives, the conflict that causes daily tension, the stress of caring for 6 kids in a city with few jobs or places to grow food.

And with each new word, her laugh grew until she and I both had tears in our eyes. Soon the guards, the taxi driver we hire, and a co-worker were there, all joining in the explanations of the words, different people pointing to different objects, interrupting each other in their efforts to teach me words faster and faster. And all joining in the contagious laughter, until an hour had passed, and I was tired and longing for my soft bed.

I hope they slept well, warmed by laughter, if not the new blankets. I certainly did, so hugely grateful for how much God has blessed me.

Not 1 in a million, Just 1

2009-01-16T15:12:00.002+03:00

I’m in a job that is all about the numbers, number of people served, amount of money spent, days or weeks it takes to reach a new area.

I’m learning to see that God is not a God of numbers, but of individuals. He doesn’t see me as one of the crowd, another young aid worker among many trying to do what seems like an impossible job.

There's something so very comforting to know that He wants the best for me just as much as He wants the best for the people I serve. He reaches out to me differently than he does my neighbor, but to both of us with the same love and grace that sent His son to the cross, that offers hope to all 6 billion of us alike.

Do a work in me

2009-01-16T14:02:00.004+03:00

I'm listening to the song: Forever Holy by Glorious Unseen.
Some of the lyrics are:

This is what makes my head spin
You're forever holy
God of all creation
pour Your life into me
this is so overwhelming
You're forever only
God of my salvation
clothe me in Your glory
.....
I guess it's just hard to believe
the love You pour out on me
I guess I'm just starting to see
how You're working in me

It has not been an easy ride, this journey in the Sud*n
I don't know if I've ever been in a place like this, where I actually feel like I could fail
where it sometimes seems like everything is against me
where there are few answers to the many questions I have
where no matter how hard I work, the load only grows, and the steps forward are slow

Thankfully, I'm starting to realize that God hasn't called me to this job so that I could save people, so that I could change lives, so that I could make a difference.

He's called me to follow Him, to trust that He is mightier than what is around me, to depend on His love when I feel alone, His grace when I've made mistakes.
And it is He who will save people, who will change lives, who will bring peace to S*dan
It is not me, this is not on my shoulders. Thank God, because I am not big enough!

Yes, I am to do my best, to do everything as unto God
But when I go home at night, I need to let it go, to let God be God, let Him be my strength, let him do a work in me.

Traveling

2009-01-07T16:11:00.005+03:00

Here are a few pics, thought I'd share....
this was a beautiful pool, frozen over, that we passed on one of many long walks in England, in the Peaks area.

Here is Amir, a friend I hadn't seen in several years, who graciously took me around. Was 0 degrees celcius most of the time, but some very beautiful areas.

Some frozen water along the way.

The trail through the hills.

Amsterdam, canal ride. Visited a friend from highschool, hadn't seen her in ten years, and yet we just had a great time.

Amsterdam in the night, brought back memories of when I was a kid and we traveled through. I thought it was the city that never slept from all the traffic I heard before falling asleep at night.

Castle in her neighborhood... IN HER NEIGHBORHOOD! That's what's so cool about Holland, all these beautiful, old buildings, stacked on top of each other.

The airport in Cairo, that's Cairo behind, such a HUGE city, something like 22 million.

Cool sculpture in Cairo airport.

People Watching

2009-01-05T20:29:00.000+03:00

I have been traveling a bit recently, and one of my favorite things about traveling is the people watching. i had some enjoyable moments over these last couple weeks, and some funny moments. I'll share a couple of short bits and some pics here.

I was landing at the local airport one day and was the strangest sight. I watched the set of gates that keep the airplanes in and trespassers out open for a flood of people to rush through to their waiting plane. As I watched, the crowd broke into a run: men and women alike huffing and hauling suitcases, large bags, and trunks as quickly as they could across the tarmac, only to join another large crowded line and wait to be allowed on the plane. As I watched, I couldn't figure out what really made the sight so strange to me. Was it the fact that these people were set free to make their own way to the plane? Or that they had to carry all of their luggage, check in and carry-on alike? Actually, no, you come to expect these things in Africa. It was the fact that they were RUNNING! In this very laid back country, I rarely see anyone run, let alone many at the same time. It was quite a funny thing to watch.

On another plane, when the stewardess came around offering coffee, I almost laughed out loud. Very different from the discreet manner of customer service personnel in the US, she was practically yelling 'coffee!' as she walked down the aisle so fast that, even though you heard her coming, you had to be quick to react if you wanted a cup. To me she seemed like a hot-dog seller at a baseball game.

On that same flight, I was asleep when the food came around, and another stewardess, in a rush again, jerked my table tray out and dropped down my food, not taking time to ask if I even wanted to eat, or give me the choice to continue sleeping. It's just funny sometimes.

In the airport the other night, I was chilling out on the lounge chairs waiting for my flight, and listening to the guys next to me (listening but not understanding, as I don't speak Arabic yet). One older man had a small bag of Whoppers, and i don't know if it was that I was looking their way, or if he was just in a friendly mood, but after offering some to the rest of his group, he came over and offered me some. I tried to say no, but he insisted and a laughed as I took candy from a strangers bag. He then ran over and gave the rest to a girl sitting near us. Later, as I watched this older man, who wore a full suit, and seemed to be traveling on business, open his briefcase, it wasn't papers I saw, but rather a variety of packaged biscuits and crackers! He sat down with his case, opened it carefully on his lap as if he was pulling out his day planner, and instead selected a couple of biscuits to tide him over till we boarded. Very Funny! Even the rest of his group was laughing.

Below are a couple pics of my travels. More to come.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T13:33:00.001+03:00

Happy New Year to you all! I woke up in 0 degree Celius weather in England this morning. I'm on RR and enjoying some freezing weather, walks in the countryside, real English tea, and shopping for a pair of jeans in stores like the GAP and Marks & Spencer. Very surreal to be here, every once in a while during the day I'll get this feeling like I'm in a dream, and stand in awe at the wealth around me.

Last night we were playing a game in which we had to guess each other's new year's resolutions. My resolution is something I've been thinking about a lot lately- to stop complaining. I continue to be amazed at how quickly I see the negative side of something, when I am blessed with so much. It really struck me with one of the blog posts I wrote the week one of my staff was injured. The night before the accident, I wrote something like 'this has been the most difficult week yet'. What happened the next day was an accident that cut off the hand of one of my staff, and left her leg severely mangled, and everything I had thought was difficult previously seemed like a walk in the park... like petty issues.

Speaking of this staff member, could you please pray, or continue to pray for her full recovery. She has had several surgeries on her foot, and she is in a lot of pain every day. She is not doing well in terms of health, not able to sleep, and very concerned about what her future looks like. She was a couple months pregnant at the time of the incident, and lost the baby. I never know what to say when I see her, I just keep praying for a miracle in healing. Jesus is my comforter in such situations, especially in the years when I was going through struggles, but when you don't know Him, there doesn't seem like much to hope for.

So, back to not complaining, I see everyday how much I have to be grateful for, down to the littlest thing as being able to walk where I want. I'm off to another walk about Derbyshire this afternoon. I'll be back to the Sud*n soon enough, and I have some great pictures and stories I will share on here shortly.

I hope that God meets you Hugely this year, and the blessings He pours down will overflow to family and friends.

Celebrating in the Field

2008-12-07T17:41:00.001+03:00

Took a road trip into the field yesterday, to celebrate women in some of the towns near Nyala. There is a 16 days of Activism campaign occurring right now, about women’s rights and preventing violence against women. Even though I don’t presently have women’s centers in these towns, they invited me to be a part of the celebration, provide funds for the celebration, and hopefully bring programs there in the future.

It was a great trip in terms of relaxing and getting outside of the city. I was leaving behind the stresses of the office to participate in a celebration and do a much needed training about women’s rights. Often I feel like we have so much movement restrictions, that just the opportunity to drive to the field, rather than fly, and to pass through checkpoints with little trouble, is rejuvenating. I also love racing across the sandy, savannah like terrain in pickup trucks, across the sand in bad tires so you slip and slide and just try to stay in a forward direction.

I felt at times like I was going home, the road was similar to that road which I traveled so many times to the village I in which I grew up in Liberia. And as we drove I was windblown by cool, early morning breezes, something that always brings back happy childhood memories, those months after the heat, typically the holiday months, which bring cool nights and mornings full of birds singing and breezes through the trees.

The training was monumental in that men and women attended together to talk about women’s issues, something they have never done. And over 90 people attended, some sitting outside the building to listen. See pics below. They all agreed this was an informative training, and wanted it implemented in other areas.

Afterwards we had a celebration, people came from towns all around, some even to spend the night because of the distance. We probably had 800 people at the celebration, in which leaders and commanders in the community spoke, and one in particular gave a very moving speech about how women are the backbone in the community. To hear this, from a man, in a community that puts women in second place, and expects so much work from them, was wonderful! I know the women in the crowd were especially moved, and I’m hoping the men take heed.

We met up with some other staff on our way back to Nyala. There are so many national staff with our organization, it’s likely to meet them in different areas. So, now we were traveling in a convoy of 4, all trucks, all booking it to get home early, and before the start of the national holiday today. Again, cruising across the sand, flying over bumps, twisting and turning around shrubbery, a four wheeler’s dream. My driver was following the guy in front too closely for a while, and when that driver found his truck sticking in the sand, we almost had a collision. However, quick wheel spinning, tire braking which filled the air with sand and smoke, and much jostling in the cab, left us safely on our way. I was adamant that he hold a safe distance from that point. But we made excellent time back to Nyala, in time to sort out the last of business for the day and head to a friend’s for Mexican food- a first here, very nice! If we use carrots and kidney beans, corn and tomatoes, and imported cheese and tortillas, makes a great meal that could almost remind me of Qdoba!

Celebrations and Short Stories

2008-11-28T11:51:00.000+03:00

My trip to the field a week ago was quite enjoyable and successful. We opened one new Child Friendly Space, and got two other's set up to open in the next couple weeks. We met many community leaders who offered their support to the programs. We met with the women and received some new ideas for income generating activities. We found other organizations to partner with to provide some crucial trainings to youth and women in the area. There is much work to be done to get a few new programs running, but to be back in the field after a couple months was just amazing. And a lot of what I experienced reminded me of childhood in Liberia, and made me feel at home.

Below are some pictures of activies.

Playing with some kids in the mountains. The little one has the biggest personality.

This donkey helped open the celebration at the center. She is adorned in 20 types of produce to celebrate the harvest. The tomatoes and potatoes are grown from seeds SP provides the community.

Some girls clapping and dancing at the celebration.

Some traditional food that the women made specially for us at the celebration. There is corn, cucumber, potatoes, lentils, sorghum, and baked bread.

The celebration led us out of town, dancing and singing and having a good time. We 'beeped' in unison.

Taking a trip via donkey to a far out village to visit one of the afterschool programs (3 hours there and 3 hours back, on a wooden saddle, through BEEEEAUTIFUL terrain, I was sore and happy). I laughed a lot of the way, especially following this staff member, whose long legs stuck straight out over the donkey most of the way.

These kids were very afraid of me when I first arrived. I went around the center taking pictures of each one and then showing it to them, hoping for a smile. They all just sat and stared at me like they'd never seen someone like me before.

Well, all but this one child, who just had a most beautiful smile when he finally let it out. His eyes fairly twinkled when I showed him this pic.The kids finally got over there fear, and came out to play. Here the girls jump rope.I lined the boys up and was having them catch and throw. This brought even more children out to play.

I had the opposite problem at another center. The children were so excited to see us and get their picture taken they almost pushed me over. Very fun group of kiddos.

And here they are, running for the camera.

Baby camel we passed on our way back to town. Before the conflict, everyone had donkeys, camels and goats, and were relatively rich.

Myself and some of the women from a women's center. I had some very good conversations with women all over the mountains this last trip. About needs, childcare issues, and the cultural norms for men and women. Since the conflict began, women and children have had to work a lot harder just to help the family survive.

One of the staff members teaching a women's group about savings and profit making.

I have some videos to post as well, but that will have to happen another time. Hope you enjoyed!

Encouragement in the face of Frustration

2008-11-28T11:18:00.000+03:00

This week has been the most difficult thus far. By yesterday I had worked 20 some days in a row, 7 of those in the field, with many meetings with Sheikhs and commanders and teachers. I realize I am both worn out and energized by these meetings: between trying to make myself understood through English and then interpretted Arabic, trying to make culturally sensitive/quick decisions in response to their questions, and overcoming frustration at the lack of participation in some meetings, I am tired by the end. And some of these meetings can go on for 2 hours, if I let them. However, there was an increase in at least verbal support for the Child Friendly Spaces at each of the meetings, which was hugely encouraging. I'm also trying to develop and start new livelihood's programs in the youth department, and revise our women's livelihood's program and trainings, all in the months of November and December in order to meet some deadlines with donors.

I've had some problems with the organization that gives us permission to do work (yesterday, after lobbying for weeks for a specialized training, they finally gave us permission, and then in the afternoon that permission was taken back). After working so hard to get a necessary program off the ground, and then face a wall at the last step is angering and saddening and discouraging.

The positive that has come out of this is to realize anew God's faithfulness. I was at the point the other day where I couldn't go on without something to hope for, be encouraged about. And I read the following verses...

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

I can honestly say, I had a peace yesterday that did not come from my circumstances, because everything said 'this is going to fail'. And yet, I could laugh, even when getting the bad news yesterday afternoon, because I know God's hand is bigger, and He will accomplish His purposes.

I read II Thessalonians 2 recently, where God explains that there will be 'lawless'men in the world, this is to be expected, but that we should be encouraged, because God has "chosen you from the beginning for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and faith in the truth."

I am so thankful that no matter what trials we face in this lifetime, God has given us a perfect place to call home, and that Jesus provides this gift free of cost just through faith in Him!

I know that I will continue to face difficulties here, and many successes, just as we each do wherever we are. But none of it matters beyond this lifetime, unless I live in the truth, and share His love, if no other way than through my actions. My prayer is that I would be able to greatly love the people I serve, and even to those who come against these programs.

in and out

2008-11-15T22:37:00.000+03:00

I know that once again I have neglected posting, and a lot has happened, but it's late on the night before I go to the field, and I'm feeling swamped with everything to accomplish over the next week in the mountains.

Just a bit of the to do list:
meet with commanders to request permission to bring contracted trainers,
meet with Sheikhs to find out what skills trainers are in their communities, and invite them and the commanders to a celebration we have as we open another of the afterschool programs,
meet with the women to learn more about child care practices in their area, learn about what they know about savings programs (Since we are doing livelihoods programs-want to see how to increase profitability),
meet with the teachers and the PTA at each of the programs to finalize a new payment system,
distribute supplies to the different centers,
set up trainings for teachers and community members for the coming weeks in both women's centers and afterschool programs,
meet with a community to gain their support so that we can start another building,
resolve some issues with a construction crews in a few other towns,
set up better referral systems to the two local clinics,
set up more youth trainings,
assess attendance records at each of the spaces,
set up more adult education classes for both youth and women,
get pictures of the programs for our donors

leave my staff up there to do the trainings while I hurry back to town after only a week to meet with my staff who are working in another part of Darf#r....

Whew, a lot has happened here, some very good stuff, I'll have to write more later. Thank you for your prayers, so many days I feel the task is impossible, and then sense God's very real presence and know that it is only His wisdom that is worth anything in this place

Blessings to you!

Childhood

2008-11-05T22:21:00.000+03:00

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Very Sorry. I returned from RR renewed and refreshed, ready to hit the ground running. And now things are picking up very well. I've been in the field for a couple trips, and am hoping to head back out next week. I'll try to post some pictures this weekend, thought I'd tell you some little experiences I've had.

I was playing with some kids today, IDP's (Internally displaced people) who live next door. Blew bubbles with them. They'd never seen bubbles before, and laughed each time I blew. It's such a pleasure to hear them laugh. About the only times I do hear them are when they are playing on the swing they've hung from the tree, or once in a while when they climb around on the construction site near by- after working in Child Protection in the US, I shudder to think how much these children roam un-supervised and in dangerous areas.

Anyway, back to the bubbles. The kids were a little afraid of the bubbles, especially when one hit their faces. So I tried to 'eat' the bubbles to show them they were ok, and then they couldn't stop blowing bubbles into my face. I tried teaching of them how to blow the bubbles, two got the technique, the rest just blew out air really hard each time I handed them the wand. They have the bottle, and I'm hoping I'll hear them laughing tomorrow as they practice.

I've also given them some small balls (Big shout out to a couple friends who sent these toys over with me!!!!). The boys didn't really know what to do with the balls, I tried to play catch with one and he could barely catch the ball only a foot away. I realize how much I don't understand about what it's like to grow up in a world without toys, to not have the opportunity to learn such basic things as hand-eye coordination. In my mind, every child should be able to catch, throw, and play with a ball.

Out in our children's centers we provide such things as soccer balls, and many youth have the opportunity to play. However, when you do meet those who haven't, it's a shock. I'm very excited to realize the impact the center's are making giving children back their childhoods. Today I was reading some surveys about the impact of the centers, and villagers are saying that the children who attend are a lot less afraid, more active, better prepared for school, and cleaner (hygiene). One in particular quoted "they used to draw guns, now they draw roses".

In the next month, we're planning on starting more programs for teens, and I'm hopeful that these will have a great impact as well.

Well, more to come soon, and pictures! Hoping you are able to be thankful today for sweet memories from childhood, I know I am!

First Days of RR

2008-10-16T19:17:00.001+03:00

I am on RR in Kenya and I’m feeling amazed and blessed and very privileged. I had cereal with soy milk, took a shower in an indoor bathroom, slept under the covers, enjoyed regular sized veggies, played with a very fluffy, healthy looking dog, took a walk through an extremely well stocked grocery store, and ate ice cream, and that was just in the first day! Kenya is a beautiful place and very developed, some friends call it “Africa Lite”. I cannot get over all the ‘modern’ stuff, like a fire place, coffee shops, an ATM, customer service! I’ve also enjoyed all the people who speak English, though sometimes I feign not understanding when I’m on the beach and guys come up to me and want to talk.

One guy called out today “Jambo (hello). You’re from Holland? Germany? Where?” I just shook my head like I didn’t understand. I know it sounds rude, but had I responded, he would have launched into a conversation that would have ended up with him asking for money, or for me to buy stuff from his shop, or to consider marrying him. (Not that that should be out of the question, since Kenya seems like such a nice place to live.)

I’ve been very surprised at how many people think I’m European or Canadian. I almost want to just nod my head when they ask if I am, because as soon as I say that I’m from America, never fail, they seem to be slightly less enthusiastic. I’ve asked different people why they think I’m not American, and one told me my nose was Canadian! The shopkeepers, who know I’m American, still call out “Here comes the Canadian” when I walk in. There was a short time when Americans weren’t even allowed into the Sud*n, it’s a country that associates with the Arab world, therefore aligning with the cause of Palestinians and Iraqis.

So far on RR I’ve eaten at several very nice restaurants, spent a few days at the beach, caught a couple good waves body surfing, enjoyed a little shop browsing, had a massage and facial-Oh yeah, In Africa!, and had a lot of quality talks with my ‘aunt’ whom I’m visiting. Really enjoying her wisdom and stories (And a shout out to another ‘aunt’ who shared many encouraging and wise words with me recently-really uplifting!)

I’ll publish some pictures soon, hopefully from a coffee shop in Nairobi. Have some fun ones of the guards back home posing on motorcycles that I might get up as well. Thanks so much for reading, hoping you are enjoying a beautiful fall wherever you are (being in Kenya, south of the equator, it is actually summer- or spring- here). I’ll be back into winter in S*dan soon enough, though the weather will betray itself as it is much hotter than Kenya ever is. It was 60 degrees here the first night here! What an exciting time, seeing a side of Africa I’ve wanted to since a child, and experiencing weather like some of you right now!

Heading Out

2008-10-16T18:57:00.000+03:00

You should have been on the plane with me going to Khart*um. What a fun experience. First off, when I got to the airport, I was told there was an airport tax of 20 dollars. I didn’t know there was a tax in this little airport, and afterwards I realized I didn’t see anyone else paying the tax. Must have been my white face that read gullible.

Then, before takeoff the stewardess chanted a long prayer, I’m assuming for safety. These planes are notorious for crashes and hijackings. She also said a “Thanks be to Allah” every time we landed. We did a little puddle jump to another town in D*rfur before heading to the capital and she didn’t even bother to give the safety instructions and the seat belt speech for the first leg. I thought, “Don’t you know it’s within 15 minutes of home that the most car accidents happen? Could be the same with planes”.

They did serve us food. The first leg was a piece of candy. The second leg we got a soda, one of three flavors, handed out without being given a choice. There was also a small prepackaged meal including a piece of coconut sweat bread, a small bun with goat cheese, another bun with packaged cheese, and a tiny hamburger, which I didn’t eat because worried it wasn’t hot or cold, and who knew how long it had been sitting out.

Once we arrived, we were shuttled into what I realized was the only baggage claim for several flights. We packed in three rows deep around the belt, and planes kept coming, people kept coming, and I got run into by several carts before I finally got close enough to see my bag. People don’t say sorry either when they run into you. Walking into the airport one guy ran into me four times with his cart, and after the fourth time I gave him a frustrated face, and he just looked oblivious. There’s something about riding too close to people’s tails in cars, must be the same with walking.

The next morning I got up early to catch my flight to Kenya, early as in 1:45am. But I was very ready, and would have gotten up at any time. I didn’t realize there was an airport tax at this airport as well, and I didn’t have enough, but the guy was kind enough to wave me through. Love that about Africa. Then on the plane, enjoyed the most comfortable seats I’ve ever experienced I think. They were just really squishy. And had my first ‘RR’ meal- a yellow omelet (the eggs in S*dan look white when cooked).

As I leave I have a hard time not thinking about the work behind me. There is always something to be working on and more steps to take forward. I realize that it will still be there when I return, so I’m giving myself a couple days to slowly let go of the stresses and goals and really enjoy RR. 3 day s and I should be lost in ‘lala’ land, enjoying the Kenyan culture and western conveniences.

This week in pictures

2008-10-04T10:29:00.000+03:00

This week in pictures...

I started out the week tired, partly because over the weekend I lost sleep when little grasshopper looking bugs invaded my room. They came in around 2am and landed on me in flocks- if you can call it that. They were small and got under the sheets and in my ears and, YUCK! I finally did fall asleep hiding under my covers and awoke the next morning to find dozens squashed on my back and arms. You can only see the biggest ones in this picture. When I opened my door it was like opening pandora’s box as they fled into the sunshine. Gotta get my mosquito net up!

But, the week got better. After only three days of work, we had two days off. It’s ‘Eid’, the holiday after Ramadan, where people get to finally eat during the day again. It’s similar to Christmas as people buy new clothes, packs of children roam the streets in their new get-ups, and families gather for feasts at night. I enjoyed not going into the office, though by day two I was feeling restless, there isn’t much to do here so I filled it up by going to dinner's at friend's homes and trying to study Arabic.

I also enjoyed just being outside in the middle of the day. Here is a picture of a rain storm coming in, the winds were picking up dust in the street. Here you see one of our four street dogs holding his own against the wind.

I gave some “Eid” candy to the kids in the hut next door, and they let me take some pics. Posed these themselves. The little girl is the cutest. The oldest is one of the girls who sits outside under our street lights to do her homework.
I went to a wedding party today. Didn’t realize that’s what it was when I left this evening with the friend from work. Between her minimal English and my lack of Arabic knowledge, communication isn’t always clear. But, it was great fun! In this pic. the ladies were very excited to take off their traditional 'tobes' (wraps from head to toe) for the picture. You should see them in their full tobes, so beautiful, all done up in makeup and wearing small high heeled sandals peeking out at their feet.

The party was a large gathering at an open place in town, women and children sat on one side, men on the other. When they started the music (From a keyboard and stereo system sitting in the middle) men and women stood up and swayed together in circles, snapping fingers in the air and clapping our hands. There was a lot of ‘ayeee ayeee ayeeee’ yodeling, and when the bride and groom finally arrived, we had a small display of little sparkler/fireworks. An older man came by to dance with me, and the girls with me were very excited, as if it were a compliment. I was just glad when he moved on to other women. Here you can see a bit of the dancing, throwing arms up, and yodeling.

When we were leaving, it took a minute to get a tuktuk (rickashaw). The drivers were all sitting outside the square and claimed that where we were going was too far, I think they just didn’t want to miss the music. We finally got one and squeezed 5 of us in, with the right amount of giggling and readjusting and sitting on each other you can expect from us twenty-something women.

You are not allowed to take pictures here, and I’ve been wanting to get a picture from inside a tuktuk, the cover of darkness was a perfect excuse. These little three wheeled auto's are very open, low to the ground, and can get stuck in just a few inches of sand. But amazingly,they go all over town, staying on the edge of the road to let lorries and land rovers pass.

When I finally arrive home, I pull back the covers to find this cricket sleeping under the pillow. The bugs only bother me when they get in my bed or in my clothes. I’m just glad I got this one before he could go hide in a corner and sing me high pitched tunes.

Well, the week starts again tomorrow, and I’m excited to see how much I can get done before I go on R&R (Hopefully in two weeks). Really at a turning point I feel like, especially in our women's programs. We're training the women to analyze their own local markets to find what products are profitable, and then supporting those who come to us with proposals for projects. I'm really hoping it works, that they are able to find something that might help support their families. I also need to schedule some meetings with the heads of the communities when I go into the field, to get more support for our children's programs. Hoping to have some creative ideas when I talk with them.

Hoping you have a fantastic week!

Home Sweet Home

2008-09-19T14:24:00.000+03:00

I thought I'd share some pics of what home looks like to me.

Here is the front yard. It is a three bedroom house, two of the rooms open into a patio, a third (mine) opens out to the back of the house.

My housemates have started a garden, lima beans and watermellon and squash, all the things that remind me of home! I'm very excited for the harvest! Right now our whole front yard, and parts of the side, are garden plots. Before the plants were growing, though, they looked like African burial plots (they don't normally make mounds for gardens here). A couple weeks ago, just after they were mounded, one of the guards walked in to see them for the first time and said 'sorry' to one of my housemates. I think he was shocked. NO, we are not burying people in our front yard!

This is my office. The window is the only office window that opens out to the front gate, so I get to say good morning to everyone as they arrive for work each day. There is a radio sitting next to my computer, and a webcam on top of the computer, all the essentials for communication.

It is only on the weeks when all five of my staff are in that the office can get a bit crazy.

Our kitchen. The propane stove is a bit finicky, there isn't a lot of counter space, and large red ants live in the cupboard, but wow, the meals that come of there! My housemate is an especially good cook. And when impromptue gathering occur at our house, it is amazing the number of people she can feed. She cooks a lot of hotdishes and scones (being from England). When I cook, it is typically rice, or sometimes potatoes and carrots and a baked chicken. We do have a cook for lunches in the work week, she typically makes meat, rice, and french fries. Once in a while she'll make mashed potatoes which are amazing, especially considering we don't have butter! I'm hoping to teach her how to make my type of salad, we have cucumbers, tomatos, green peppers and a leaf like a spinach leaf that could go into it.

There was not a kitchen sink until a few months ago. This looks a mess, I know. We're priviledged to have a woman who cleans and does our dishes. Very nice!

Today we're making a big meal to say goodby to a friend who is leaving, but we're cooking in the kitchen in the house next door. See the kitchen below.

Everyone who sees this kitchen is amazed at it's size. And the counter space is fabulous! We actually have a microwave in this kitchen, which is lovely! We don't have hotpads, so we use towels and washclothes. And we store loads of bottled water in here since that is all we drink.

Today we're having an American BBQ/picnic. Will be grilling hamburgers, making potato salad and pasta salad. Very excited!

This is where we brush our teeth and wash our faces. It sits outside of the kitchen, across from the latrine and shower. Many mornings I have to fish leaves out of the sink before I start brushing. That is the guard's chair next to it. We have one around the clock here.

Our 'living room', and outdoor patio. It's very nice when the weather isn't too hot. And the dogs really like it. (We have four dogs, they live in the street, but come in occassionally).

My bedroom. Small group- notice the snoopy card? Thanks so much! Cheers me every time I see it! I just got the comfortable chair, haven't even used it yet, but very soft! And brought my sheets from the US, they are much nicer than those here, and add some nice soft colors to the room.

The other side of my bedroom. I had a pole added in my wardrobe so I can hang up clothes. And I bought this blue cloth at the market. I'm hoping to get more cloth to hang on the walls, to add a bit of color to the white vastnesss. The lamp was left by a former expat, and I love it! Also got some candles from the last fellow who left, so my room is feeeling quite cosy!

To contrast a bit, this is the guesthouse in Kh*rtoum. Such a beautiful place with numerous balconies. And grass! I love the green!

And this is the bedroom I slept in. I've decided I'm a huge fan of tile floors. They're cool on your feet, they are easy to sweep, and they make the room a couple notches classier. In my room at home, I have two plastic mats spread across the floor, to cover up the holes that reach to the dirt in my cement floor. The mats work very well, it's just when I'm chasing a cricket out and it hides under that mat that it's frustrating.

And here is the view from one of the balconies. I love looking out and seeing what people are doing on their balconies. However, one has to be careful to use disgretion when looking since much of life happens on these balconies.

And here is another view. Most people sleep outside in this city. It is very hot, has been in the low 100's recently, and it is still rainy season, so it will get a lot hotter! I'm thankful the town I'm in is a couple degrees cooler. And very thankful for fans and air conditioning!

Well, there's a small picture of life here. I hope you enjoyed it!

encouragement

2008-09-13T22:22:00.000+03:00

I came across a very encouraging passage that I read in a new light tonight.

I've been struggling with the magnitude of this job, trying to find my way in such a unique position. Having had nothing in the past to base this experience on, I struggle to even understand some of these feelings.

Reading I John 5:14-15, it says, "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."

I know for certain that God specifically chose me to be in this place at this time, and this verse really encouraged me as I realize the power of praying in that will. I have seen thus far how He has given me wisdom and, especially today, abundant joy that surpasses understanding. I am encouraged to know that because He is calling me to this place, He will answer all my prayers for wisdom and strength to do this job well, and to be a light. "He hears us in whatever we ask... we have the requests which we have asked from Him". I have a lot of prayers for big things here, trusting them into His care with renewed faith tonight.

What has God called you to? About what is He promising to answer your requests?

eavesdropping

2008-09-13T09:45:00.000+03:00

I've enjoyed some funny conversations recently, often humorous because of cultural differences and language barriers:

The shopkeeper explaining to me why the word for 'bags' in Arabic can be problematic. I already knew the term, but he took great joy in explaining to me that the word for bags is 'kees', not to be confused with and English 'kiss'.

He went on to explain, in case I were to ever be in this situation, that women get very worried when they are offered a 'kees' after they've paid for their purchases. He thought it was hysterical. I've heard it before and laughed before, but it was good to laugh again. I was trying to be careful though, because as he was enjoying explaining the story, and his brother, who has already proposed marriage, was standing in the background. NO 'kees' please.

---
I asked a fellow at the market how much for his grapefruit. He replied, '10 pounds'. I said, 'too much'. He said that was his last price.
I walked away, as I was coming back, I heard him telling another guy in Arabic: '6 pounds'. I stopped in shock. 4 pound inflation seems like a lot to me. I told him, 'You told me 10 pounds, you tell him 6 pounds'. He was a bit shocked, then looked sheepish, don't think he thought that I understood any Arabic. Needless to say, he thought he could still sell them to me at 10 pounds. Though that is a common practice, I felt I should take my business elsewhere.

---
Again at the market, I was looking for fingernail polish remover. I asked at one shop, pointing to my toes, then to the toe nail polish he was selling, then back to my toes, making a rubbing motion as if to remove the polish. The guy nodded in understanding, explained the word was 'varnish' and pointing me to the shop next door. I stopped there, the fellow from the last store yelled over what I was looking for and this guy handed me black shoe polish. I tried again to explain what I was really looking for. And I was wearing flip flops-no black shoes here! He sent me back to the first shop. That shop-keeper nodded again in understanding, "Henna!" No, not the stuff you dye your feet with... I guess I'll wait and find it on R&R.
---
It is Ramadan right now, and so people cannot eat or drink or even swallow their own spit between sunup and sundown. Meaning people get very little sleep this month, and headaches during the day, and their functioning slows around 1 in the afternoon. I have been hiding my water in the office so as to not tempt anyone. However, I do take it with me to meetings. And as I was hopping into the taxi the other day, the taxi driver pointed to my water and said "Mafi moya", no water! Sorry, my God doesn't require this type of sacrifice.

The guards have told me I need to participate for at least one day. Don't have a problem with the fasting, it is the not drinking water that I don't think I could do, especially in this heat. I'm surprised people aren't collapsing in the streets. They show amazing strength and discipline to keep going in this month.

---
I was riding with one of the taxi drivers to a potluck. He asked if we would be doing something in Arabic. Couldn't tell what he was saying, but from the wiggle of his arms, it seemed like he meant dancing. I didn't know how to say, 'no dancing, but we will be listening to music and having a good time', so instead I just laughed and nodded. He laughed and got excited. Then asked if I had a 'sadiq' there. Sadiq is friend, according to my understanding of Arabic. So I said 'yes, of course'. He then made 'ooooing' sounds, as if telling secrets in 6th grade. I thought, 'Uh Oh, he thinks Sadiq is something more special than that'. After many more references to my 'Sadiq' at the potluck/dance party, he asked if he could be my 'Sadiq'. I wasn't sure what to say at this point, this is a very nice taxi driver with a newborn baby and wife at home, whom he adores. I laughed and nodded and said 'Of course you are a friend, one of many friends', assuming that if it meant anything else, he was only joking. He laughed and nodded. In my opinion laughing and nodding covers a multitude of misunderstandings.

As I continue this journey of communicating in such a different culture, I will most likely find myself laughing and nodding a lot.

All in a day

2008-09-10T16:12:00.000+03:00

I’m sitting in my office, watching the rain fall heavily with loud smacks onto the cement outside my window, spattering tiny wet drops through the screen and lightly cooling my skin. I’m drinking the closest thing to a mocha I’ve been able to concoct. I’ve turned off my Ipod so I can enjoy the full affect of the rain, coming in heavier and heavier waves as the wind blows, while steadily pouring off the roof in streams that create a loud pitter patter symphony.

We haven’t had internet access for days, and as I sit here I think how lovely it would be to just get on and email someone, or read an email, or skype! I could really talk to someone from back home right now. I can go to an NGO down the street and use the internet via satellite, which I did yesterday. But I feel like that is for more urgent matters only (as I write this post, I’m saving it to send when I go down there, this isn’t so urgent though).

Recently I’ve experienced a steady feeling of being pushed back, something common to most of us. And today’s rain is a great reminder of the grace that is still pouring out on this land. Even when everything seems to be falling apart, when one step forward is countered with a problem that pushes you ten steps back, or onto another path that will take even longer, there are positive things happening here that deserve all the encouragement and ‘rain’ they can get. Like my staff who serve in the field when their families are too far away for them to see but every couple months. Or the women in the villages who are trying to make a profit any way they can with the activities we teach them. And in between trainings they care for their families, work on the farms, and collect stones to build a women’s center so the trainings can continue. And then there are the children, many who have experienced more conflict and stress than I will in my lifetime. Yet many are resilient, so precious in their greetings to me in the morning, using their best English to say ‘Good Mawning’, collecting water for their families after school, stopping only briefly to play Frisbee with us as the sun sets in the street, out begging in the evenings as the NGO’s head to the few restaurants.

I have been asking God about what to do with these feelings of defeat and disappointment. It is sometimes difficult to go on when I feel like I cannot finish things. I cannot image what people must feel here, who live in this environment all their life. I am only coming in trying to help. However, in it all, I am trying not to focus on the ‘to-do’ list as much as the small victories. I realize that even when I don’t accomplish each day what I set out to, the programs are still affecting hundreds and thousands of people who desperately need so much. And I hope each day to be a light through my actions, and bring hope to the people in my immediate surroundings. And someday, I hope that I can share in detail all that He has done for me. Until then, I pray He will give me sincere love, great patience, and abundant joy to share in a place where people need so much! And continue to pour His refreshing rains on this land!

In the News

2008-08-29T23:20:00.000+03:00

A lot has happened over the last week here. I don't know what you've seen in the news, but if you're interested, here are two of the posts recently.

If you want to read about them: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7580778.stm

and http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26409840/

Despite that horrific incident, and the hijacking (I'm very blessed to not have to fly commercial here), things continue on seemingly normally here in N*ala.

However, there is still tension, especially in the camps. Please pray for those families affected, and for there to be no further incidents. Also pray for wisdom for the peacekeepers, and for peace to reign in this land.

African Faces

2008-08-29T11:12:00.001+03:00

I was just reading John Eldredge's "Epic", and he talks about how we live for stories. We Americans often spend our Friday night's hearing stories, whether through books, movies, or time with friends where we learn their stories about the day, the week. We are fascinated with stories, each day of our lives is a new bit of our own story. We know our friends best when we have heard their story. Our fascination with stories could also extend to trying to make sense of our own through finding meaning in other people's stories.

I hope to share stories with you over time of the people I meet on my journey here.

This blog post won't have as many stories as it will pictures. Hopefully I will get to go back and meet some of these people and I can share their stories. Right now, though, you can read their faces and formulate your own story.

Dinner. He is one of SP's staff, and was very pleased about a meal of goat straight from the market. I think he was also proud to be able to provide me with such good meal. It took almost 15 minutes to carve the smoked meat from the bone, but he steadily worked with the steaming meat and sharp knife, determined to get every last piece cut into a chewable portion (bones and all).

This cutie made my day with his smile. We were at a Child Friendly Space, and he was not afraid of me like some kids are. The more pictures I took, the more he smiled, and the more I wanted to just pick him up and squeeze him.

This little boy in the middle was our donkey cart driver for several days. I mentioned him in a previous post, how I wish he could have been out playing rather than driving us around. We shared with him some bread and jelly the last afternoon when we were sitting at the heli-pad for hours. He ate it very carefully and slowly. He watched us closely most of the time, and smiled shyly every time I reached out or tried to speak to him despite the language barrier. I wonder who makes up his family, and how many people his donkey cart wage provides for.

These kiddos were singing for me when I took their picture. There was a room full of maybe 50 kids singing and clapping as their teacher led. They didn't smile as easily as I would have thought a child should, and maybe that is because I'm new or because of all the life they have already experienced at such a young age having lived in Darf'r.

They were intrigued by the camera though. They especially loved seeing the pics on the digital screen after I took them. They would crowd around to get a glimpse, though difficult with a crowd of children, but it was great to hear their squeals of laughter as they recognized themselves and their friends.

This sweet boy is reminds me of another I met in one of the villages. Very smart toddler who always looks at me with this exact face, as if he is trying to figure out who I am and what I want. But every time I offered him something like a ball, he eagerly came forward to grab it, and then stepped back quickly to take me in. I did eventually feel like I made a friend when I sat with him and shelled peaunuts. He ate them as quickly as I could shell them, and when I didn't shell fast enough, he would grab a handful and put them in my hand to shell.

It breaks my heart every time I see little toddlers carrying their siblings on their backs. I have driven past so many farms and seen mothers slaving away in the fields and their babies just sitting under a tree. And many times I just see the kids, no parents around, standing in the field, waving as I pass, holding their little brother or sister on their back, with the biggest smile on their face. There is so much work to be done, to help parents have a place for their children to be safe while they are on the farms, to give children places to play and learn and not have to parent their own siblings. And all of it needs to be done within the culture and in conjunction with other needs in the community.

Do no harm

2008-08-29T09:14:00.000+03:00

There is a perpetual dilemma in the humanitarian field that has made itself very real to myself over that last few weeks. It is the 'giving aid vs. creating dependency' issue. Whenever humanitarians come in to a place and begin to use outside resources to meet a great need, there is the risk of creating a culture of dependency and reliance.

Now this obviously isn't an argument against aid. However, the 'do no harm' humanitarian mandate requires that we take a good look at exactly how much we give and recognize ways we can empower those we serve so that our aid does not remain one-sided.

The particular situation I’m facing has to do with compensation for the teachers who work in the child centers. We are trying to back off on what we give and give more ownership to the community. But how does one do that when the community has very limited resources, and the idea of these centers is still relatively new to the culture. We and the community have seen the benefit (They say that child behavior is getting better, children are not as worried about the conflict, youth have a safe place to hang out in the evenings, and young children do better once they enter school having been to the pre-school at the center), but in order for them to continue the work we have started, the community needs to buy in fully and determine they are able to sacrifice time and resources in order to support the teachers.

It is a struggle to determine how much to back off, to find a good timing when I know any time will be difficult for the community and the teachers, and to think of creative ways that we can continue to support the project while helping the community get creative themselves in their support. So many questions, now it's a matter of finding a solution that will work. It isn't easy, but I'd rather have this dilemna and have offered the children hope than to have never tried. I just hope we have done no harm.

Pictures

2008-08-23T16:22:00.000+03:00

So I finally have a good bit of time, and am going to try to put up some pictures here. Will try to pick out a few that represent this area.

This was heading out to the field. Loved watching the flag go before us!

3 monkeys, or 'coco's', live at one of our bases in the mountains. They're not very friendly, rather demanding actually. Like to check out anything and anyone new that comes into the compound.

working for peanuts

Here is where we sleep in the mountains. A tukul. Very cozy on cold, mountain evenings.

We barely made it up this hill. Got out of the trucks and crossed over this 'wadi' to move rocks into the road so the trucks would have something to grip as they attempted the hill on the otherside. Driving in the mountains is a very participative sport, with everyone exiting the vehicles when 'road repairs' are needed.
so the truck will make it up the hill.

Beautiful! These stone walls are built as people move stones off the land to make room to grow crops. These walls meander through the whole countryside and up the mountains, giving it an almost European feel some times.

Some cuties at the Child Friendly Space: places we are building for afterschool programs and preschools. Train teachers and serve youth ages 2 to 22 or so. In four shifts, with the oldest youth coming in the evenings. Good program for kids to be kids, forget the worries of the conflict, and learn.

Showing off for the camera. These boys have some great ball skills. Showed me some nice soccer moves.

One of several waterfalls in the mountains. This is the 'Shallal al Baas', or waterfall of Baas, the man who owns the area. Here is one of our fearless drivers, cooling off his feet. You either get very dusty or slightly muddy in the vehicles (water comes up through the floor boards when we drive through big puddles). (Sorry for the crooked shot, will straighten next time).

Having a soft drink with co-workers. This was a particularly hot day, so a nice break.

Children and teachers waving goodbye in front of one of the child friendly spaces.
Well, I've made good use of today, only worked half a day as it is my weekend. Very glad to have time to read and skype. Saw one of my staff at the shop today. Was buying bread for french toast. He was shocked when I said I was eating bread and eggs for lunch. They eat meat here, every meal if possible. Sometimes ONLY meat. Although some refuse to eat chicken because of how chickens get their food, from roaming the streets. Very interesting beliefs here. I promised him I would be making meat for dinner. Meatloaf actually-thanks mom for the recipe! I'm feeling like I'm living the high life, meatloaf and potatoes!

Weekends

2008-08-22T18:10:00.001+03:00

So our weeks here run from Sunday through Thursday. Friday is the holy day in Islam. And Saturdays are an informal work day since the Sudanese have a six day work week. So going from two days to one day is a challenge. Back in the US I tend to use the first day of my weekend to run around and do everything that I didn't get to do in the week. The second day I crash- love Sunday afternoons!

However, I'll give you a picture of my weekend here as I describe how I spent today, Friday
Woke up early, listened to the flock of birds beating against my windows-something they do every morning- don't know why, and it always shocks me a bit. Have metal shutters, so it's very loud. Read some, grabbed a bowl of cereal, have rice crispies in stock right now, very nice, breakfasts are my most American meal of the day, read some. I then started down my list of stuff 1: wash clothes, we have a washing machine but it's not the same as in the US. takes a lot longer since I need to run separate tubs of water for washing and rinsing and rinsing again if I really care about getting the soap out of my clothes, then hanging them out to dry, (I usually love the smell of clothes from the line , except here we're in a town, so it isn't quite the same fresh smell).
2: go to the market, today I was blessed to find normal sized carrots, usually they are about an inch and a half long, and by the time they're peeled there is not much left. The market is great for people watching, bad for getting haggled. However, I must say people are a lot more polite or discreet than in West Africa.
3: bake banana bread, don't generally take time to bake during the week, and there isn't much selection at the shop, so it's a nice treat. We're also having some friends over tonight, so we went above and beyond, baked cookies and a cake as well! Other things we don't have at the shop right now are butter and cheese, but looking forward to the shipment they've been promising for weeks. Once it arrives, we'll stock up before the next shortage. I was excited yesterday to buy the last 10 liters of low fat milk, as compared to the full fat that is more readily available.
4: plant watermellon! My housemates are turning almost every open space in our compound into a garden, which I love because it gives me a chance to work outside. There are already lima beans and radishes and tomatos popping up!!! In Africa! Generally it's too hot to just hang out outdoors, so this is a good motivator. What I really miss is hiking with my dogs back home, getting out in nature. We do not travel for pleasure outside of town, and we don't go for long walks in town. I'm very thankful I get to travel to the mountains for my projects, get my nature fix.
5: blog. I'm trying to be more creative and consistent. There is so much I could share, but things come and go so quickly and the days are so long that I don't have a lot of creative energy or memory at the end of the day.

Well, that's my Friday, and it's not yet over, but I'm tired. A good tired because a lot of personal stuff got done, but now I need a Saturday to rest, and tomorrow the plan is to work a bit on things that couldn't get done this week. I have resolved to keep my Saturdays as free as possible though, realizing it's either that or totally rest on Friday and spread my 'first day of the weekend errands' out over the week.

What I'm really thankful for is how much God has provided for my every need this week. It has not been an easy week as we're facing some deadlines. I have been reading Matthew 6 and 7 almost daily, focusing on the verses where Jesus says: tomorrow can take care of itself, and to ask for everything in His name and we will receive. There have been so many times when answers to problems have come at just the right/or last, moment, where God has given me the strength to get through long days, even healing me very quickly of typhoid, and where he has brought moments of pure joy in the midst frustration. I'm so thankful for answered prayers, and that like every faithful father, He has the best in mind for me. So tonight I'm trusting Him again for restful sleep, quick thinking tomorrow to complete that which needs to be done, and some quality chill time before the rest of the week starts.

That's been my Weekend! Off to finish the cake for tonight. We even have icing brought in from Kharto*m!

Thanks for reading!

Pictures... it's about time

2008-08-19T19:00:00.000+03:00

Well, I was attempting to put photos up today, but it hasn't worked. I'm sorry, will definitely try tomorrow! I have so many, and they give such a good idea of what is happening here, and put faces on the people I am working with.

One picture is of a boy, only 12 years old, who was our donkey cart driver for the day. At 12 his job is to take people whereever they want to go, all day, every day. He sat next to the helicopter pad with us for over 5 hours, and all I could think as we sent him on different errands such as to bring back water and bread, was that "this boy is only a kid!" He should be out playing with his friends, should be enjoying the time off from school.

However, so many children do not even have the priviledge of going to school. And the only consolation was that hopefully his job is helping feed him and his family in a time when food is scarce and the food supplies don't make it to everyone every month. Also, by working, at least he has not joined with the other children soldiers. So I can thank his parents for keeping him busy and out of that sort of trouble.

Still, it was still difficult to see the seriousness in his eyes as all the curiousity and adventurousness that boys should experience is squelched through his day job.

My prayer is that in providing child protection education and spaces where youth can enjoy educational and sports activities during the summer and after school, more children will get to live out their childhoods. One of the staff was telling me the other day that it is amazing the difference in behavior of children who have been to the Child Friendly Spaces and those who have not. The one's who have do not have that same fearful attitude, they've had the opportunity to step away from thinking about the insecurity around them. Also, teachers in the schools rave at how well behaved and ahead of the game these children are who have gotten some education prior to the beginning of the school year. Hopefully we can continue to reach more and more children with this essential service.

Traveling mercies

2008-08-17T17:26:00.000+03:00

I'm back after almost two weeks in the field. After many hours on the rocky road, many hours sitting by the tarmac for the helicopter, and many more meals of oil/goat/sorghum mash, I'm ready get back to the office to sort out this month's spending needs and recover from typhoid.

It has been such a good journey so far, not always easy, but full of learning opportunities. The other night I was talking to some of my staff and they said: In America there are many nice things, aren't there? Sitting on a mat on a very dusty floor in a room without electricity, the same mat on which we will be sleeping in a couple hours, listening to the rain on the zinc above, the rain that floods the roads and almost shuts down all business, having just eaten a meal like every other meal I've had since being on the road, with two college educated men who have never seen an ipod or had the luxery of having an airconditioner in their home or owned a car or known what it is to not worry about security issues, I had to agree. It is almost funny to me the things I worry about when I see how much I have.

They were absolutely amazed when I said that there are poor people in America, though. They would like to go, of course, and in some ways I know it would be an amazing opportunity, but in other ways I worry that it will be disappointing- for them to see so much, and yet realize that all this 'stuff' (I translated this word for a staff today, I don't know if they even use this word in the Sudan) doesn't make people any happier or better off. Except when that 'stuff' is cheese, and it's in stock at the local store. Then the world is just a bit rosier!

First trip to the Field

2008-08-08T19:55:00.000+03:00

I just returned from a trip out to see some of the sites in the mountains. It was quite an adventure! Here are some thoughts, a bit scattered

A bit of history: SP was the first NGO in the area, and has been there for about 4 years. It is an area of farmers, separated from the rest of Darfur by it's hard to reach areas and political stance. The area is very different from the rest of Darfur, mountainous, cool weather, rich in produce. Much of the produce is shipped via lorries to larger cities.

The roads are in that area are wild. Imagine taking your four wheel drive mountaineering: the roads are just beds of rock-rocks the size of basketballs and larger, with many dips and ruts. As a friend said: when you ask "Where is the road" and you're told "We're driving on it", it's an appropriate description of how untamed the area is. I'm amazed at the ability of a Toyota LandCruiser. And the drivers informed us that they are renown among the NGO's for their skills, or should I say bravado. It's like catching a ride on a jackhammer. And one day we were in the car for almost 8 hours! I thought I was going to wear a hole through the back of my shirt for all the bouncing!

The people there are absolutely beautiful! The Fur tribe have dark, round faces with large teeth that make their smiles so alive. As we drove by some would stop and stare, many would wave, and the young kids would call out "Hawajaa" (White person, or foreigner).

I had the most fun with the kids and my staff. Most of the kids are reserved and nervous until I reached out my hand. Then they would grab on and not let go. For those of you who've read the love languages book, I'm a physical touch person. This works well with the locals, since there tends to be a lot of hand shaking, hand slapping, shoulder knocking...

I bonded with the staff over many cups of tea, dinners in the market: of sorghum mash and goat/sardine/oil stew, and interviews with the local women around the cooking fire. One night was spent laughing in a 'tukul' (round mud hut with a thatch roof) with two women who were cooking up some chickens for our dinner. In the midst of the conversation they informed me of how they have taken the trainings they've received from us and other NGO's and started to change their community for the better, one neighbor at a time. They also informed me of their two picks for my 'husband to be', and gave me their choices for names for my first child.

On the road the staff patiently told me over and over new Arabic terms, and laughed at my attempts at correct pronunciation. Besides Arabic, I also learned about greetings. Here greetings can be quite long, minutes even. And the same phrases are repeated over and over, convenient for me as I'm learning. Here is an example of a greeting between two people, translated:

Good morning. Good morning. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. Thanks be to God. Good. How are you? God willing. Good. And you? How are you? Good. Thanks be to God. Good. God's Blessings to you. How are you? Good. Thanks be to God. How are you? God willing. Good. Good. God willing. Thanks be to God.

And on and on...

On the roads we passed several very large lorries that were broken down. At times we had to move rocks to make a way to pass around the lorries, quite a task. Thank God we were able to make a way each time. What amazed me was the frank way they dealt with the breakdowns. On these roads, and with the age of the trucks, one breakdown could be the last for that truck. Or it could take days to get to a large enough town and back with the right part. Yet at each stop the drivers and passengers were very cheerful, sitting on the side of the road in the hot sun waiting for whatever the driver could figure out, or for another ride. I need to learn to deal with difficulties in the same way. 'Hickups' will happen, and here it seems that they happen on an hourly basis.

So, I have more, but this is my one 'free day' of the week, and the Olympics have just come on our satallite (we have three or four English channels, one being BBC, and one being a B movie channel, funny what reaches us in Darfur). So, I'll write more later, and include pictures!

Traffic Time

2008-07-24T14:02:00.000+03:00

In a city with thousands of cars and very few stoplights (I have yet to actually see one) someone appropriately explained that you have to have lots of "guts and trust" to drive. I must agree!

The experience is quite amazing, if not slightly terrifying. The routine at an intersection is to hesitate briefly, if at all, and then pull directly into oncoming traffic with the expectation that the everyone else on the road will slow down. At each turn there is the opportunity to have cars and lorries come at your vehicle from all sides, stopping just feet away, and giving us passengers semi anxiety attacks. (I'm learning it's better not to look).

When you are watching from afar, the exchange is awe inspiring. Oftentimes cars and busses are passing in every direction so quickly, it seems they must be running on tracks or being orchestrated from above, passing with only inches to spare. Somehow, with all the traffic, there don't seem to be many traffic jams. Maybe it is becuase no one ever really stops, but will just slow down as others enter the road. And I haven't seen any road rage yet either. But maybe that is because everyone is used to this.

Traffic here makes me think of teamwork principals, how it is important to make room for each other, and to slow down so as not to run over one another. However, to really make this a team, we would all be motivated by the same purpose. I hope that I will be able to share with many here the high calling for which we were all made!

Some pics:

The local Coffee and Tea shop (for all of you barristas, she does everything from her seat: make the tea, add the spices, and wash the dishes right there. And she must have fingers of steel, she pours that tea into glass cups, which I cannot touch for the first couple minutes)

Coffee with the guys

"Shokrun"

2008-07-20T15:02:00.000+03:00

I'm learning 'thank you' in Arabic.

And I'm sure I'll use it often.

God has blessed me tremendously in this journey so far, and as I look back, I'm Amazed!

So, I'd like to say "Shokrun"-THANK YOU- to the one who told me about SP in the first place, to the one who told me about this position at just the right time, to those who prayed for me and encouraged me to seek God's best!

To my small groups, who gave so many things at just the right moment, who shared your love and willingness to pray, who made me cry with your kind words, and who I know I can turn to if I need ANYTHING, Shokrun!

To my co-workers, who gave such encouraging and kind words, who believed in me, Shokrun!

To my friends, who have loaded me up with Itunes, blessed me with Scriptures, gave plenty of hugs and shared in my excitement, Shokrun!

To those at SP, who were so free in sharing their experiences (including things NOT to do), in praying with me, in offering support, Shokrun! I'm excited to get over there and meet the whole team!

To my church, I've grown so much this last year and a half, and been so filled up with the encouragement. I've enjoyed all the opportunities I've had, God is doing an amazing work through you all! Shokrun!

To my relatives, who called and hugged and shared such words of wisdom, and laughs, Shokrun!

To my family, I'm going because you've supported me in pursuing my passions, and have been such a great source of love and laughter and silliness in the chaos. I'm so grateful to know you understand my heart, and love you lots!

... and a happy thanks to the people who bought my car and the other thing on Craig's list, at JUST the right time, the last one going out late last night. Crazy cool!

Ok, so I'm really hoping I didn't leave anyone out, but understand if so, I'm still finishing up little things despite the fact I leave in only a few hours.

Blessings to you!

Great Expectations

2008-07-20T06:56:00.000+03:00

Expectation can be such a paradox. Sometimes it is good to have expectations, sometimes not.

As I anticipate heading to Sud*n, I realize that it is sometimes better not to have expectations when going to a new place. This is so that I do not become too easily discouraged if things don't live up to my expectations (probability being high that this will be the case).

However, when going into a new commitment, it is often crucial to have expectations. By setting the standard high, one is able to encourage those around to work up to the expectations.

So it is with mixed expectations that I head into this year of working with displaced women and children in the Darf*r region. (If you are just hearing this news, I'm working this year with a Christian relief agency running programs for those who have been displaced and mistreated as a result of the turmoil/fighting).

Having lived in Africa in the past, I expect several things: to be hit with a wave of heat when I come off the plane in K*artoum. to have kids flock to my white face when in remote villages. to see extreme poverty, and amazing resilience. to sweat even in my sleep. to not be able to understand the conversations I overhear because of my lack of Arabic skills. to maybe loose a few pounds while I adjust to the food. to enjoy mundane chaos in all sorts of ways: whether it's bartering for goods, navigating-or rather surving- the traffic, or attempting to communicate in other languages.

But even more than this, I expect to see God show up in a big way! I expect to see women and children open up about what they've experienced, and find healing. I expect to meet wonderful friends, to form bonds that come simply from working through adversity, and to have my faith stretched to the max.

And so it is with mixed expectations that I go to sleep tonight, knowing tomorrow I embark on the journey that will bring answers to my anticipation.

White Girl in Africa- BLESSED!

2008-07-12T14:43:00.000+03:00

I've always been the whitest one in my family, and one of the whitest of the Caucasians in Africa. During college, when I would go home to visit, I felt like Casper the friendly ghost. So, the other day, in preparation for the Sudan, I found myself at the pool trying to get a bit of a tan. And as I sat there sweating in the hot sun, I thought of how I'd soon be wearing long sleeves and long skirts, so no one would even notice my newly acquired tan. Not to mention how ridiculous it was that I was making myself sweat here, when soon I would be in 110 degree heat almost constantly! Go enjoy the air conditioning while I have it!

A few days later I read a phrase that reflects this abundance of silliness. The author of 'The Shack' (a book I don't need to promote if you've already heard of it, because you would've heard how amazing and deep it is) spoke about the "wastefulness of grace". If grace is receiving what we do not deserve and have not earned, it is amazing the abundance we have, so much so that we can waste it. That day in the sun, I was wasting time and energy when I had many better ways to prepare for this trip: such as learning Arabic, or shopping for necessary 3rd world country items- such as a water purifier, or Imodium! But that is how beautiful grace is- that it is given in huge portions that we can never possibly use! And as I sat there in the sun, I was blessed to have the time, the health, the pool, and a family member to keep me company.

I’ve had so much grace in my life! Family, friends, school, good jobs, great church. And as much as I will miss this as I leave, I realize I still will have so much more than many Sud*nese, and it is my hope that I will be able to wisely enjoy abundant “wastefulness” and share this grace for years to come. It is my hope that, as Paul says, I will be content in all circumstances, and recognize how Good I’ve got it!

So, as I prepare for the trip and reflect on the little things, and think: “It's ok to look like a ghost. White is IN. It's good to be different”...
Guess where I'll be this afternoon!